Alcohol – My New Toxic Relationship

My goblet of fire 🔥

I actually wrote this a few weeks back but it seemed apt to post today. It was a drinking heavy weekend for me. I had beer and rum last night and some wine this afternoon. I am sitting on my terrace and drinking wine as I post this.

I’m writing this as I contemplate making a drink for myself. It’s 7 in the evening but to be honest I’ve been thinking about it since 2 in the afternoon. It’s Saturday, and I got to get some chill. But more than that, this just provoked a thought. Anytime anything hurts, mentally or physically, the first response is to go get a drink to ease the pain. Really?!?

I don’t drink everyday. It’s more often than occasional drinking. I just never used to think about it before as much as I do now. And call me weird but I don’t need company to drink. I sometimes drink while cooking. I sometimes drink while doing any sort of chores.

I mean I get it, when you want to numb a heartache and you resort to drinking and passing out. But these days, I think of making a drink whenever I get a headache or stomach ache or body pain or even if my throat hurts. My friend has a rationale behind it that alcohol has a numbing effect but I feel it has got to be more than that. It has some psychological connection. Where it’s like my go to pal type. Like the drink understands my ‘pain’, understands what I’m going through. Well, I can say a similar thing about smoking but that will take up one another post. I know this sounds crazy but it is honestly how I feel.

I mean when you’re happy and you’re drinking, you have a buddy (the peg ofcourse) who’s happy with you and when you’re sad the drink is just there to console you. I know it does no good to the body, but I do crave it. It’s like my new toxic relationship. It feels so wrong but I don’t wanna stop. And I keep going back for more.

I’ve had my fair share of toxic relationships but this one feels the best and is the hardest to kick. Maybe because I don’t really want to. And it’s a vicious circle. You feel bad, you drink, you fell high, you feel good. Then the next day alcohol wears off you feel low, you feel bad and you drink again.

Well, I penned down what I was feeling and now I’m gonna go pour some whiskey in a tall glass and fix myself a drink.

If I am in a toxic relationship, let me enjoy it while it lasts.

I know I’ll have to walk out. But let me savour a glance before I shut the door.

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